I’m So Frustrated with My Negative Co-worker!

Does it feel like some days you are surrounded by negative people?   There is no pleasing all these nay-sayers, leaving you emotionally drained and exhausted.  Actually, in my experience, it sometimes takes only one negative person to exhaust me.  

I had come on-board to team that was on paper a perfect mix of experience and expertise.  It should have been a breeze. But, every evening, I found myself dragging and worn down. You see, the perfect stats did not reflect that one member of this team was unrelentingly negative.  

Chris seemed to have it all---a plum position with a highly respected organization that came with a good salary and great benefits.  He had experience in the field and could have become a great mentor to junior team members, a fantastic problem solver, and a champion of improvement and innovation.  But Chris was a full-time negativist.

I made the rookie mistake that I know many of you have made.  I tried my best to “convert” Chris. I knew if I could just get Chris to see the glass was indeed half full, there would be some sort of magical transformation and I could end my workdays on a high note of energy and inspiration.  It was an exercise in futility.

What I did not understand then is that the negative people are not going to change.  When I would challenge Chris, and say, “You’re being awfully negative about this”, Chris would simply reply, “No.  I’m being realistic.”  It turns out that when a negative person looks in the mirror, they don’t see a negative person.  Instead, they see someone who is realistic.  And, in their book realistic is good.  If you had asked Chris, you would have been told that it was ME with all my “pie in the sky” optimism who had a problem.  Chris thought I needed a serious reality check.

All your well-thought out, rational arguments about why an idea will indeed work are lost on the negative person.  As a matter of fact, you’ll never win one of those arguments. So, the key to you having a good day at work is to stop having the argument.  

The next time your negative person gives you a hearty, “That will never work!”, don’t make the mistake of trying to convince them that it will indeed work.  Instead, in a matter-of-fact and professional tone, simply say, “I appreciate that Chris. We’re going to do it this way.” Or “I appreciate that Chris. I’m going to try it this way”.  Then, immediately go back to what you were doing, or change the subject, so that you are not wasting your time engaging in an argument that cannot be won.

Once Chris realized his negative objections were not having an impact on the direction of the team, he moved on to a different organization.  I’d like to tell you that’s the end of the story. But, although one negative person may leave your orbit, sadly, there will always be another one to take his place!  The negativists aren’t changing and aren’t leaving. It is up to each of us to change our responses to them!