Still Arguing With Your Disagreement Bully?

Bullies have been in our lives ever since the playground. But, dealing with a bully in your workplace can be incredibly challenging. Workplace bullies have changed their tactics since your playground days, but their motives remain the same. When you appear to be confused or confounded by their verbal bullying, the result for the bully is a feeling of empowerment.

Early in my career, I made a simple and factual statement to a co-worker, and to my surprise, she disagreed vehemently and claimed that the situation was completely the opposite of what I had just said. Of course, I tried to explain and prove my point, but I was contradicted at every turn. Suddenly, I was involved in an argument that I was not winning.

Now, I realize I was never going to win that argument. The key to dealing successfully with these “Disagreement Bullies” is to stop having the argument! Not only does this lower your stress level and allow you to have a better day, it also will, after several repetitions, bring an end to this person’s argumentative approach with you.

The next time your Disagreement Bully tries insisting that the sky is orange with purple polka dots, don’t try to explain that it is blue. Instead, simply say in a calm and conversational tone, “You know, Lee, I see it differently. Help me understand your viewpoint.” Then, simply relax into a pleasant listening posture, and don’t say another word!

Your silence will put Lee on the spot. He will be at a loss to explain how or why the sky is orange with purple polka dots and will eventually stammer out some sort of excuse. When that happens, simply reply, “Okay, I misunderstood.” Then, immediately go right back to whatever you were doing, or change the subject.

Playground bullies feel empowered when other kids seem scared, confused or helpless in the face of their taunts. Today, your workplace Disagreement Bully is not verbally taunting you, but when you try to argue with their contradictory viewpoints, your confusion and discomfort still allow this bully to feel empowered.

Typically, it will take two to three repetitions of this new way of responding for your Disagreement Bully to realize that you will no longer be giving them the type of response needed to fuel their sense of empowerment. At this point, the person you dreaded interacting with will suddenly become much more agreeable and easier to work with!